January Birthstone
January Gemstone: Garnet
January Birthstone Color: Deep Red
JANUARY: CARNATION
Representing pride, beauty, admiration and gratitude, the carnation’s multilayered petals conceal a hardy core – an appropriate paradox for this first-month-of-the-year flower as well as the foundation for its long life as a cut flower. Originally from Asia, where they’ve been cultivated for the last 2,000 years, this winter birth flower is a richly colorful and fragrant gem that is unparalleled with its outstanding longevity.
Nurturing. Consistent. Calm. Reliable. Look at those parts. Don’t look at the cow part. 
| You Are a Cow |
 You are nurturing by nature, and you value close relationships with friends. You are gentle and patient. You let people be exactly who they are. You are predictable, stable, and consistent. You believe that people need to rely on someone in this crazy world. |
A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can’t be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket don’t get mad and buy another product instead.
Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.
The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start the line.
A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. "That’s some money well spent!" – he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.
It turns out, the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It should’ve been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren’t picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.
Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty boxes out of the belt and into a bin.
"Oh, that," says one of the workers – "one of the guys put it there ’cause he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang".
*****
Hahahaha! Confucius say, “Must work smarter, Grasshopper, not harder!” 
Have an awesome and fun-filled weekend!
A Long Time
A couple of goofballs in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?"
The man said, "I’ll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I’d better go check."
After a while, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We’re gonna build a house."
My Favorite Animal
My teacher asked what my favorite animal was and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too … especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class, my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now.
*****
A “2-fer” this week. 
I hope you got twice the chuckles and that you have a doubly funny weekend. 
Prayer
In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don’t know. It ain’t ’til Thursday."
*****
Have a great weekend!
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I’m still trying to get my bearings on the new website.
I do have a couple of new posts up though. 
Just click the links!
Thanks.
Happy Day After Christmas! – Darc’s Falcon
I was telling my kids a story about my own childhood the other day, and it had my husband in stitches. I’m not sure why, but for what it’s worth, here’s the story.
When I was a kid, I was a pretty picky eater. Oh, who am I kidding? I still AM a picky eater! Although I’m not nearly as bad as I was as a kid. Anyway, in addition to my being a picky eater, my mother was a horrible cook. She did criminal things to food, I kid you not. How much of her bad cooking contributed to me being a picky eater, one will never know.
One time, I must have been around 10 or 11, she made something for my dinner that – best as I can recall, was either mushrooms or Brussels sprouts. It was round and slimy, I remember that, and I would not eat it. It looked weird, it smelled awful, and it was slimy. No way. Would. Not. Eat.
I can be a stubborn girl when I have a mind to.
My mother yelled at me, threatened me, all kinds of things she told me would happen if I didn’t eat the science experiment reject in front of me. Eventually she picked up a piece of whatever it was off my plate and tried to shove it in my mouth.
Oh no, we are so not going there! I clasped my hand over my mouth as an extra barrier of protection. This was a battle of epic proportions!
My mother, in her rage and frustration, leaned over and bit my hand, the hand covering my mouth. She bit me! I remember screaming, and I had a set of lungs on me too, it’s a wonder the neighbors on the other side of the wall didn’t call the police.
At this point in the story, Darc busted up laughing. I mean to tell you, he almost had tears running down his face, and that’s quite a feat of accomplishment for me! Usually I’m the one splitting a gut at his stories.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked him. “My knuckles were bloody and had teeth marks and everything!”
I try to remember that my beloved is a writer of horror fiction so things often strike him in a way they don’t other people.
“Oh my gosh,” he replied, “‘Eat or be eaten!’ That’s just priceless.”
I guess it does have sort of a vampire quality to it. Eat or be eaten. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it into one of his stories yet! 
[Preview: Vampire Bestiary « Eternity Publishing]
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Cross posted at DarcsFalcon.com
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