Friday Funnies

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: "California archaeologists have found traces of a 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, "The Redneck Rebel Gazette" in Alabama reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Alabama had already gone wireless.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy E-Mail

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.’
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?

*

*

*

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.

~~~~~~~~~~

Exercise for people over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then try 50-lb. potato sacks.
Then eventually try to get to where you can lift a100-lb. potato sack in each hand, and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

~~~~~~~~~~

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub.  Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, here’s an awesome video for you to check out.  Yep, it’s work safe.  I can’t post it here myself because it’s not a WordPress approved video service – silly WP, but click on the link and I guarantee you a smile to start your weekend off right.    Here’s a laughing baby

Anything you want to read about on Monday?

Thursday Thankfulness

Yes, WIGSF, it really is Thursday today.  One more day to go!

This week I’ve been thinking about bread.  I made some this week, by hand, yes I did, and it felt pretty good.  Here’s the recipe if you’re interested –>>  Farmhouse Loaf.  It turned out pretty good, although I’m going to use a different oil next time.  I made it to go with a stew I made and it was one of those nice comfy meals. 

Anyway, it got me to thinking about how good it made me feel just to make bread for my family.  Sure, I used to have a bread machine years ago, and those are pretty cool.  But there was something about doing it by hand that made it somehow much more satisfying. 

And then I got to thinking how awesome bread is in general.  [Yes, I’m a huge proponent of the Atkin’s Diet – and for the record, he never said you couldn’t have bread ever again.  But believing in the diet and being able to actually do the diet are 2 different things and not for this post.  ]

Bread.  You can do so many awesome things with bread.  You can make it sweet or savory; plain or fancy; hearty or puffy.  Think of all the bready type things we have – doughnuts, pastries, cakes, pasta, crusts for pies, sourdough … I could probably go on and on.  Fact is, it’s a staple of life.  And I love it, and I have discovered, I love making it.  Something about just sticking your hands in that big bowl of flour and water, mixing it up, then dumping the whole thing on the counter and kneading it out.  And then the rise – that’s so cool!  It’s like magic.   

So this week I am thankful for bread, and for the making of bread. 

I’ll save you a slice. 

Blank Checks

I was doing a bit of surfing the other day, and came across this notice from the guys on the Time Bandit, from Deadliest Catch.  I know what I’m doing when I get some money!  I’m getting some Alaskan King crab delivered to my door, fresh off the boat! 

I think this totally rocks and wanted to pass the word along. 

 

The Official Website of the F/V Time Bandit

Breaking News!

Captains Johnathan & Andy Hillstrand have teamed-up with FishEx Seafood Company to arrange nationwide home delivery of their catch. Treat yourself to succulent, fresh-caught Alaska crab from the very same boat and crew that you’ve watched on TV!.

This is your chance to enjoy succulent, fresh-caught crab legs- shipped overnight directly to your home or business.  Melt plenty of butter, invite good friends, and feast on the bounty brought to you by your favorite fishermen!  Guaranteed to be the best crab you’ve ever had.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever had one of those moments where you reach for a word and it’s just not there?  I had such a moment the other day.  *sigh*

Darc and I were watching a show, and the lead actor is Australian, speaks with an American accent for the show, but uses his Australian one for the announcements during commercial breaks.  The “We’ll be right back,” kind of thing.

Darc said, “Can’t keep the Aussie under wraps.”  I remembered that Christian Bale used his American voice for all his Batman promotions, even though he’s from Wales.  So I mentioned that, that Bale did it, kept his accent under wraps.

“Well, he’s not Australian,” quipped Darc.
”Oh I know, he’s … [blank] … [blinking] … Walesian.”  My brain went on vacation and forgot to tell me.

Darc busted up laughing.  “You mean Welsh?  I’m sure you meant Welsh.  Because there’s no such thing as ‘Walesian’.  I hope to God you know that!”

Yes.  I know that.    *smack*

Lesson of the day: Don’t ever do drugs in high school, it’ll come back to bite you in the ass later on … years later on.  The gift that keeps on giving. 

~~~~~~~~~~

And I think my brain is still on some kind of vacation, because I’m pretty blank! 

Tell me about one of your brain blank moments, please, so I don’t feel like such an idiot.  Seriously, Walesian?  I have no idea WTH I was thinking.  It kinda sounds cool, though, right?  Right?

Tuesday Tootsies

Technology and shoes, what could be better?  Actually, lots, but that’s not the point of Tuesday Tootsies.  These are some interesting things I found when I did a search for technology+shoes. 

This first set is kind of cool.  They’re designed to change colors as you exercise.  Kind of a nifty motivation, right?  If you’re watching your feel while you work out, that is. 

This pair is for those who are always jammin’ on the go.  Talk about step to the beat!  Mp3 players in your shoes.  Keen. 

Here we go.  For those who simply must have their Gameboy with them at all times.  I’m not sure how one plays with their toes, though. 

 

Here’s my favorite.  GPS shoes for streetwalkers.  Because serial killers never, ever, take the shoes off their victims. 

That’s my take on Tootsies this week.  I love technology and I love shoes, but now I’m thinking they might not always go so great together. 

As always, click the pics for links. 

 

Napa Sentinel Zodiac Articles

Looking for the Napa Sentinel articles on the Zodiac killer?

I’ve copied the articles I found back in 2007 into a separate page. 

Check it out here –>> Zodiac

~Ness

Just me

When my husband saw the Vanessa character sing this on Phineas and Ferb, he was so cute about it.  “You have to blog this one babe, it’s your song!”  It’s not just that it’s Vanessa’s song, but the lyrics too, hit me in a good way.  And of course, it’s such a rockin’ tune, and that most definitely is me. 

It’s funny, not funny haha, but funny weird, to feel like I’m finally getting back to myself at this late date.  Crap happens, ka-ka occurs, and you somehow seem to lose yourself for a while.  Wait, let me re-phrase that – because I have always despised that old “I need to find myself” thing.  That’s just stupid.  No one loses themselves, and I haven’t lost myself.  I think – for me – it’s more about losing the point to myself.  It’s hard to keep your sense of balance when bad things happen, and keep happening, for long periods of time.  It changes you, in ways you don’t even comprehend at the time.

But for the last year, I have felt like I’m getting back on some kind of track.  Taking the old parts, incorporating the changed parts, and putting them together in a semblance of order that satisfies me.  As I am fond of saying, “This is my new normal now.”

Here I am.  Just as I am.  I’m me. 

[Phineas and Ferb - I'm me (with lyrics)]

Lyrics:
I can do it, I can run, I can hunt you down.
You can try, but you can’t stop me ’cause I’m gaining ground.
I’m light on my feet and I’m quick to the punch.
I had a heavy breakfast, but a real light lunch.
I’m a raging bonfire, a cherry bomb, I’m me.

I’m rough-and-tumble, I’m the one to beat,
I’m a fresh coat of black top burning up your feet.
I’ve got a poisonous sting, when I rain I pour.
I’m the best of the best, I’m the soup du jour.

I’m smooth as glass, and sharp as a tack, I’m me.
I’m the last and best stick of gum in the pack, I’m me.

I’m a strong woman, fast-talking, big-bad-dog walking,
High falutin’, drum-beatin’, foot stoppin’, corn-poppin’,
Speeding locomotive that just won’t stop!
I’m a hot apple pie with a cherry on top!

I’m a crowd pleasin’, head spinnin’,
Winnin’ in the ninth inning,
Whip-lashing, record-smashing,
Black-tie party crashing!

Sack-load of fun, I’m an army of one!
I’m strawberry sprinkles on a hot cross bun!

I’m a big haymaker in a title fight.
I’m a cute black kitten with a nasty bite.
I’m an action double-feature on a Friday night!
I’m me!
I’m me!
I’m me!
I’m me!
I’m me!

The hard way …

Is sadly often the best way.  Right kitteh? 

What’s your birth date mean?

In honor of my son’s birthday today, I thought I’d do a quiz with his birth date – these are his “results.”  For the most part, it’s pretty accurate – he’s charismatic, clever, and funny.  And I must say, I do love having him around.    Happy Birthday beloved son!

 

You Are a Performer

You work well with others. That is, you’re good at getting them to do work for you. It’s true that you get by on your charm. But so what? You make people happy! You’re dynamic, clever, and funny. And people like to have you around. But you’re so restless, they better not expect you to stay around for long. Your strength: Your superstar charisma Your weakness: Commitment means nothing to you Your power color: Fuchsia Your power symbol: Diamond Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Thursday Thankfulness

Yes, I am aware that it’s Friday, thank you very much.  I’m all discombobulated this week for some reason and I didn’t do it yesterday, so in the spirit of my discombobulatedness, I’m doing it today, neener. 

This week I am thankful for that ever-useful product, Oxy Clean. 

Scoff if you must, but as a mom – therefore the laundress – in my family, I have come to rely on Oxy Clean’s amazing usefulness.  Sure, in the beginning a decade ago, I saw the infomercials and had serious doubts.  I’d tried that DiDi7 crap – can you say FAIL?  But I went out on a limb and decided to try Oxy Clean anyway.

Know what?  It did what it said it would do.

Now when I need to get a stain out, I just fill up the washer, add some laundry detergent, a scoop of Oxy Clean, let it swirl a minute, then shut the washer off overnight.  In the morning, turn the washer back on and let it finish, and voilá!  Clean, stain-free laundry!  What could be better?  Grass, dirt, blood, mustard, ketchup, weird stuff I don’t have a clue where it came from, gone!  It’s like magic. 

Now it’s a staple in my cleaning arsenal.  It makes my life so much easier.  Gone are the days when I either had to relegate something to the rag bag, or wear it stained.  I almost never have to use bleach anymore either, and Oxy Clean cleans my clothes without shredding them.

It cleans other stuff too.  I can use it to spot clean a stain on the carpet.  As a smoker, I have to clean the walls in the bathroom regularly and Oxy Clean does an awesome job at that too.  (I know, Sara, I know!) 

I am often amazed at all the advances we’ve had in the last few years.  I mean really, I grew up without push button phones or microwaves.  Perhaps I am just easily amused.  But when something comes along that works like it claims to, doesn’t cost much, and saves me time, effort, and energy in the bargain – I’m so in, and so grateful.  It’s the little things.

~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, want to find out how observant you are?  Try this – Think Test.  I got 21 out of 25, and tried to take a screen shot, but the javascript on the FireShot rebooted the site so I couldn’t get the picture.  

Lastly, have an awesome, and lucky Friday the 13th!

Mr Mojo Risin

A few days ago, my husband did a post on Movie Spoilers.  You may have caught it.    It reminded me of one of the funniest things I ever witnessed, back in the 90’s.

Before that though, just to give you a little background, when I was in high school, all the kids I knew were big into rock bands – Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, The Stones, The Who, The Doors.  We’d hang out in the area, which you won’t find on high school campuses anymore, and listen to music on someone’s boom box and smoke.  It was big news when the drummer for Led Zeppelin died, and the lead singer for AC/DC.  Dead rock stars were common place though, seemed to happen all the time.  And the death of The Door’s lead singer, Jim Morrison, was old news by the time I got to high school.  He’d been dead for a decade.  Everyone knew that, duh.  Anyone who listened to music knew that.

Flash forward to ‘91.  The Doors movie came out and I wanted to go see it.  I thought it looked good and wow, did Val Kilmer do a great Jim Morrison or what?  So I had to go, relive those old high school memories of driving around, or sitting around, listening to The Doors.

I liked the movie.  I don’t know if I’d still like it if I saw it now, seeing as how my tastes have changed dramatically and I don’t watch movies the same way anymore.  Sometimes, if I see it on cable, I’ll tell my husband I’m going to watch it just to see the look of horror on his face.  He hates The Doors. 

Anyway, to make a short story long, as I came out of the movie, things were slow going in the crush of people.  There was a long line of folks waiting to go in to the movie we just came out of, and the lines were separated by the red velvet rope thing.  The kid in front of me – going out – was spotted by a friend of his going in.  They were maybe 16 or so – old enough to drive to the theater.  This is the conversation they had.

exit kid – “DUDE!  I didn’t know you were coming to see this!  We coulda gone together!”
enter kid – ”Dude!  Whassup?  Did you see the movie?”
exit kid – “Duh, dude, can’t you see I’m in the exit line?”
enter kid – “Oh yeah!  Hey, wha’ja think of it?  Is it any good?”
exit kid – “Dude, it rawks, but just so you know, the guy dies at the end, it’s kind of a bummer.”
enter kid – “DUDE!  You ruined it for me and I already bought my ticket!  He dies at the end?  Oh man that sucks!”

I lost it.  I laughed all the way to the car, and all the way on the ride home.  Sometimes I think about that conversation and still chuckle.  And to this day, it’s nearly impossible for me to even say, “Jim Morrison” without adding, “Yeah, he dies at the end.”

Honoring all who have served

Remembering our Veterans on Veteran’s Day.

Thank You.

(in case the video doesn’t load – The Warrior Song)

 

Tuesday Tootsies

It’s a very special Tootsies edition this week.  Can you guess why?  That’s right!  It’s the birthday of the United States Marine Corps!  The Few, and The Proud.  Happy 234th Marines!  Semper Fi and most especially, thank you.  *salute*

 

So in honor of the awesome men and women who serve in our Marines, here are some examples of the footwear they wear, including dress shoes.  Hey, mama wears combat boots and is damn proud!  And I am proud of all the mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, sisters and brothers everywhere who serve.

 

        

 

The Marines’ Hymn

From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli,
We fight our country’s battles in the air, on land and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom, and to keep our honor clean;
We are proud to claim the title of United States Marine.

Our Flag’s unfurled to every breeze from dawn to setting sun.
We have fought in every clime and place, where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far off northern lands and in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job, the United States Marines.

Here’s health to you and to our Corps, which we are proud to serve.
In many a strife we’ve fought for life and never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy ever look on heaven’s scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded by United States Marines.

Monday Mayhem

Most of the time I look forward to Monday.  I don’t know why I’m not this week, but there it is, I’m not looking forward to it. 

We had a nice anniversary though.  Sure, we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything, but we did play with the kids and really, isn’t that the best reason to remind you of what an anniversary is about?  Your wedding’s birthday – and look what our getting married has accomplished!  These 2 awesome babies who are the light of our life. 

We worked on a project together – not sure what – if anything – will come of it but it was nice to have a joint effort thing going on there. 

And I was so distracted by other stuff that I forgot to get my football picks up in time – which is a real bummer because I would have done well in the early games.  Thankfully my beloved Patriots beat the Dolphins so that was happiness. 

Beyond that … nothing.  My kids were pretty low-key this weekend, meaning no funny stuff.  Darc made me laugh a few times with some wise-acre crack he made at the TV but I can’t recall what exactly it was he said that made me chuckle. 

Oh yeah – the weather was beautiful this weekend – a rarity here in Chicagoland in November.  We got up to 70° on Saturday, so that was awesome.  And since I’ve been reduced to talking about the stupid weather, I’m stopping now!

Have a great one!

PS – Of course, after I post this, my daughter does something I think is amazingly sweet for a 4 y/o.  KnytLite was bemoaning his lack of chocolate milk – he’d already gone through his quota of the day.  MiniNess heard him and said, “I still have some left Knytie, you can have mine!”  This child is just too sweet, thoughtful, and generous to have come from me!  Share chocolate milk?  Never!  And yet she does so – gladly.  Lessons from babies, no?

No moar!

I promise, kitteh!  I know just how you feel! 

Would you make a good spouse?

In honor of our anniversary today, I thought I’d do a little marriage quiz, just for fun.    Nice to know Darc’s getting at least 70% of his money’s worth!  LOL 

You Would Be a Good Spouse 70% of the Time

You have what it takes to be an amazing wife or husband. You are caring, patient, giving, and romantic. You are willing to work for a marriage. More than anything, you’re not about to let your ego ruin a relationship. You are humble and unselfish. And that’s the key to being a good spouse.

Would You Be a Good Wife or Husband?