Sex for Health, Woo!

Got any plans for the weekend?  Here’s some ideas to think about.  ;)  Now get busy!

 

Sex for Health

 

Five Sex Myths Revealed: Are You Misinformed?

Now on DVD

“I hafta pee!” stated my son as he popped in a DVD to watch with his sister.  He ran to do his business, and when he got back, all that was playing were the commercials on the DVD, and not the movie he wanted to watch.  Mocking the announcer, he said, “Now I don’t have to pee, on DVD and video.  Watch me pee, on DVD and video.”  I almost did a spit take. 

I have determined that the need to mock announcers and change song lyrics to something silly or suggestive is carried on the Y chromosome.  Women don’t do this.  But let a man hear the lyrics, “Touch the sky,” and he’ll immediately change it to, “Unzip my fly,” or “Touch your thighs.”  I used to think it was something guys did to annoy girls, but I no longer feel that’s the case.  Well, maybe sometimes.  ;)  Now I just think it’s a thing guys do.  Like channel surfing, or being really good at making sound effects, or doing cartoon voices.  I think they do it to amuse themselves, and we just get to go along for the ride. 

Baby Knows

C’mere.  See that little divot in the wall above the bed there?  On the left, above the pillows.  Squint.  Got it?  I noticed it myself a few weeks ago, and I kept forgetting to ask my husband if he knew where it came from.  No, it’s not big … I figured the kids did it when they were in here playing or something.  Looks like the corner of a toy banged into the wall or something.  They know they’re not supposed to play in here but sometimes they get a little carried away.  Well, I found out the other night where that little divot came from.  I came out of the smoking room, and my husband and daughter were playing tickle on the bed. 

My husband pointed to the divot.  “Have you seen that?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that, if you knew what caused it.”

“The baby knows,” he replied.  “Tell Mommy where the hole came from,” he said to my daughter.

She stuck her finger in the mark.  “See the hole, Mommy?”

“Yes, I see it.  How did it get there?” I asked her.

“Patriots lost,” she told me, before scrambling off the bed.

I glanced at my husband, who had a sheepish look on his face.  “She knew that?  Good grief, she’s only 2!” 

“I know,” he responded.  “She remembered that from 3 months ago.  I’m still not over it.”  I knew he meant the lost Superbowl game, when he’d thrown something at the wall in frustration.

“Me either.  I can’t believe she knew that.”  I kissed him goodnight.

Well.  Now I know where the divot came from.  I think I still have some spackle I can use to fix it.  And I also know that my daughter has an amazing memory and is incredibly observant. 

 

 

Technorati Tags: Family Life,Patriots,Football

Traffic in Chicago Sucks

It’s starting to feel like a conspiracy.  I heard on the radio that the city of Chicago is going to receive a $153 million grant from the Federal government to reduce traffic congestion.  That’s how bad traffic is around Chicago.  The Feds are stepping in, throwing money at the problem.  And what’s the Mayor going to do?  Raise the rates on parking, so people won’t drive their cars into the city, and will be “more inclined” to take public transportation.  Do you think we’ll see Mayor Daley, or any city officials for that matter, taking public transportation?  Noooo, the public pays for their private transportation, as in chauffeured limousines.     

Combine that with gas prices - nearly $4 a gallon around here, and you start to wonder.  Pretty soon it’s going to be illegal to even own a car I bet.  Too expensive to park it, too expensive to drive it, too expensive to get insurance … it still pisses me off that the government forces us to endorse a private industry, but that’s another blog.  (Did you know your insurance fees are also based on your credit rating in addition to your driving record?  What the hell does your credit rating have to do with your car insurance?)  If you don’t take your car in for it’s regular “smog check” they take away your license.  In many townships around here you have to purchase a city sticker from the city you live in, and if you don’t have one, you get a ticket.  A city sticker, just for owning a vehicle!  Not to mention annual license plate fees and regular driver’s license fees.

One of the ironies of this is the fact that the CTA bus service (that’s Chicago Transportation Authority for those of you who don’t live around here) has been cutting service.  They’ve eliminated entire routes, and many stops from the routes that still exist.  And raising prices in the meantime.  Less service for more money.  The Chicago way.  Ain’t it grand?  So with less bus service, exactly how does the Mayor expect the CTA to handle his proposed increase in people using public transportation?  It can’t handle the people who already use it!  And many of those can barely afford it as it is because the rates keep going up!  Insanity! 

There’s just no good way to get around here without a car.  Period.  And try lugging a dozen bags of groceries and 3 kids on a bus.  Public transportation just isn’t practical for day-to-day living. 

Sound off Chicago!  Do you take the bus?  Or just feel like you’ve been run over by one?

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: Chicago sucks,Chicago,public transportation,parking,traffic

Blogging Withdrawal

I miss my blog. As I write this, I’ve been offline for about 2½ weeks, with about a week left to go. What’s going on in the world? What are all of you doing? How are you doing?

What’s it like to be offline, you ask? I’ve come to the conclusion that blogging is almost like an addiction. If you do it regularly, it becomes a habit, and if you have to stop suddenly, there are withdrawal symptoms. A cleaner house, for one thing. A much neater desk for another. Dinners on time. The kids’ toyboxes have been sorted and organized. Those patches I’ve been meaning to put on my son’s pants have been sewn on. I organized my comp desktop and start menu. And I’ve been able to read the books I got from the library. Oh, and check this out - the bed is made and there aren’t any dirty dishes in the sink and it’s only 7 AM. The kids have been in bed before 10 PM, for the past few nights, and I’ve managed to get there before midnight. I don’t know why I’m up so early today. I was having a weird dream I think when the Beloved’s alarm went off, and just couldn’t get back into a deep sleep. Something about headless Barbies. Probably a sign that the 50,000 times the kids have watched “A Nightmare Before Christmas” is getting to me. They bop around the house all day singing songs from the movie - even the baby has them memorized! I get the “Oogey Boogey” song stuck in my head too.

Darc managed to get a short story written for someone on DeviantArt. It was a kiriban thing. Yeah, I had to look it up too. In case you don’t know, a kiriban is something like an award, and lots of people over on DA like to give them for things like when a person generates the 6,000th pageview. So he wrote this short story for the person who was his 5,555th pageview, and I have to tell you, I cried when I read it. Hopefully he’ll post it here on WP when we get back online so you can read it too.

Speaking of Darc, you’ll never guess what he told me: he said my blog is lifeless. He said something happens between my mouth and my fingers because I don’t blog like I speak. He’s right, I know. I can feel it when I type. It’s like there’s this thing in my head that tells me sentences have to be structured a certain way, grammar needs to be proper. He told me I can tell a funny story, but I can’t write it. Something happens in the translation, so I’m trying to work on that.

It’s funny - I have about 5 dozen things in my Live Writer drafts folder, and can’t think of much to say. Granted, lots of those drafts are those lame-ass quiz things I like so much, but still. You’d think someone as opinionated as me would have more to spew about. Ah well, give me time, I’m bound to come up with something.

And since you’re reading this, that means I’m back online now!

more cat pictures

Mwuhahaha, the Falcon has returned and there’s nothing you can do about it!

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

 

 

to all my friends out there who are moms. 

 

 

Falcon to Tower …

Falcon to Tower: Requesting clearance for take-off.

Tower to Falcon: You are cleared for take-off.

BOOYAH!!

Miss me?

Holy cow - I have over 2,000 things in my reader and about 1,000 emails to go through. I guess I have some catching up to do.

10 Myths Busted - #6

“Don’t sit so close to the TV!  You’ll ruin your eyes!”  (Bring on the carrots! lol)  I can’t tell you how many times I heard this one!  I am happy to report, I had excellent vision, despite sitting too close to the TV, and reading under the covers with a flashlight.  Did you hear this one too? 

From the Family Fun Magazine, February 2008 issue.

10 Myths Busted - #5

I’ve heard this one, but I don’t know if I’ve ever believed it.  I remember in high school, waking up late and rushing to get ready so I didn’t miss the bus.  There were mornings, out there in sub-zero temps, that my hair froze because it was still wet from the shower.  I don’t know whether or not this is a health hazard, but frozen hair sure is damned uncomfortable! 

From the Family Fun Magazine, February 2008 issue.

Well …

Here I am at the library.  I don’t have much time, certainly not time enough to go through and respond to everyone’s nice comments.  I am hopeful though that soon we’ll have this resolved and can get back online again.  I’d already set up a few “future posts” to go through on Sunday’s, but other than that, the blog is silent, the Falcon temporarily grounded.  :(  Please be patient with me, and soon I’ll be back around to bother everyone with my … um … wit.  Yeah, that’s it.  ;)  LOL  I miss you all so much!  And yeah, being offline sucks.  Like a Hoover. 

Thanks for being patient, and for thinking of me.  I’ll be back soon, I promise! 

Love and hugs to all of you!

10 Myths Busted - #4

I have heard this all my life, and had a hard time keeping it straight.  I never understood the reason for it either.  In my opinion, starving is never a good idea, fever or no!  If you’re hungry, eat!  Even if you’re sick!

From the Family Fun Magazine, February 2008 issue. 

10 Myths Busted - #3

I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear this is a myth!  My bladder is bad enough without throwing 64 oz. of water at it every day!  I did have a little bit of an issue with this myth though, because in the article it implies that it’s okay to drink gallons of water a day.  There IS such a thing as water intoxication, and it can kill you.  So, just follow your thirst.  All things in moderation, right? 

From the Family Fun Magazine, February 2008 issue. 

Parents Argue Over Son

Sure, my husband and I argue over this all the time too.  Don’t you?  >rolling my eyes<  An inmate-in-training.  Isn’t that nice?  With this in mind, if you saw my Mommy Guilt post, you can see why I don’t feel like such a terrible mother right now.  I just feel sick for the kid in this story. 

Parents Argue Over Which Gang 4-Year-Old Son Should Join

Friday, April 11, 2008

A couple can’t agree on which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join.

A fight about the decision led to a public disturbance with the father’s arrest. Joseph Manzanares went to the video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays, police told KMGH Denver.

Police arrested Manzanares at his home, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval told KMGH Denver.

The girlfriend told authorities they were fighting over which gang their son should join. The girlfriend, who is black, is a member of the Crips while Manzanares, who is Hispanic, belongs to the Westside Ballers.

“They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised,” Sandoval said. “Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would ‘claim.’”

Click here for more coverage from the Denver Channel.

Parents Argue Over 4-Year-Old Son

 

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: Gangs,Son,Denver

Friday Funnies

We’ve seen these before, but good funnies are always worth repeating.  :) 

I have been told that after every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
The following are supposed to be actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: jokes,UPS,funny

Tech Support! Woo!

Ahhh!  The color customizer is working again!  YAY!  I’ve been trying to change it for days, since the new dashboard went into effect.  That’s how I found out about the new dashboard, when I tried to change my colors.  Nothing happened.  I figured it was all connected, and went to the forums and saw other people were experiencing the same thing, so I sent a notice off to Support.  I never heard back from them, but as of this evening, they’ve fixed the problem.  And I have more April-y colors and less March-y ones.  Woo!  Thank you WP Tech Support! 

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: WordPress,Tech Support