An Open Letter to the Television Industry

Dear TV Writers, Studios, et al;

I have been a loyal TV viewer all my life.  You could almost say TV raised me.  I’m pretty sure I was the missing Brady Bunch kid, or maybe one of the Partridge Family.  Mr. Rogers was my neighbor, at least until I moved to Dallas.  Then I started my own Dynasty.  Sit-coms were nice buddies, but dramas were my real meat and potatoes, until the crime drama came around.  Now I spend my time scattered around Las Vegas with the CSI crew, or Quantico with the BAU team from Criminal Minds.  And who wouldn’t consider the group from NCIS to be friends?  Sure, with all that traveling I make sure to get regular check-ups with Dr. House.  I miss the time traveling with Journeyman though, that was pretty fun.  Reminded me a little of skipping around on Quantum Leap.  And you know I can’t resist popping into Grandview periodically for a silly, sentimental, occasionally creepy/weepy visit with Melinda the Ghost Whisperer.  She’s so pretty and so nice. 

Along the way though, TV Big Guys, you’ve dissed me more than once.  You’ve annihilated some special people and places for me, that I can now only visit in memory.  I resent that.  Sure, you like to blame something called “ratings” but who knows what those are?  Numbers you make up?  I’VE certainly never been asked for my thoughts on anything you do.  EVER.  And I’ve never met anyone who has.  So I have my doubts about these dubious and ambiguous “ratings” you like to accuse.  Still though, I’m willing to forgive you for that.  I can have my memories, and I can even get new ones from DVD.  So that’s cool.  But I have a bone to pick with you, TV People.  One itty bitty little thing.  But it bugs the crap out of me! 

STOP WITH THE DAMN SEASON-ENDER CLIFFHANGERS! 

I am soooo sick of this, I can’t begin to tell you!  But do let me try.  I do NOT need to be blackmailed into tuning in next season.  I don’t tune in year after year because I’m bored.  I tune in because I like the characters on the shows I watch.  And knowing something bad has happened to one of them bugs me.  You held the country hostage when JR was shot, everyone speculating on who might have done it.  I knew it was Kristin by the way!  Duh!  But you started something then, something that is still going strong since that March evening in 1980: The Cliffhanger.  And now, year after year, show after show, we have to endure the same madness and wait months to find out the answer.  Who’s now a ghost on Ghost Whisperer?  Who got blown up on Criminal Minds?  Is Warrick really dead on CSI?  What’s going to happen to the team on NCIS, and why did you kill Jenny?  ENOUGH!  For once, once! I just want a nice happy ending to a season.  I want to know the characters I like are spending a nice relaxing summer vacation doing fun things.  It would be so nice to come in to a new season at a beginning and not in the middle of some crisis. ENOUGH ALREADY!

How about this?  Why don’t you do a TV season like I do homeschool?  Nine weeks on, 4 weeks off.  Then we don’t have to be subjected to this 4-5 month long drought.  Want to introduce a new series?  Do it during the 4 week break.  Run 9 episodes in a row – amazing concept, isn’t it? – instead of one new episode followed by 3 weeks of re-runs.  That only makes us lose interest in frustration.  Quickly.  And commit to those 9 weeks!  For pity’s sake, you throw on a show for 1 or 2 episodes, then move it to another time slot without letting us know, and then you wonder why so many shows fail?  We’re willing to commit to you, but when it’s not returned, we feel pretty taken advantage of and don’t want to spend our precious dollars on any of your advertisers. 

Speaking of advertising, we do understand the business aspect of how television works, but the constant splash of announcements across the screen while we’re trying to watch something is so annoying!  I know I’m not the only one who decides that whatever it is that so rudely intrudes into my show, I will NOT buy it.  Good grief, you take up to 25% of the screen with those stupid splashes!  We HATE them! 

And it’s time to dump the stupid Nielsen thing.  Honestly!  Let people vote online for the shows they like!  It’s not hard to make sure that people can’t vote multiple times for a show they like and want to stick around – the Food Network does it all the time.  As near as I can find, about 5,000 homes have Nielsen meters, to account for nearly 113 million TV households.  So 1 meter accounts for over 20,000 households?  Um, I don’t think so.  And I’d be willing to bet that most of the homes that have TV also have computers.  Set up a voting website where folks can vote for their favorite shows and I believe you’d get a much better picture of what the American public is watching and would like to see.  Yes, all you networks would have to play nice and go in on a site together, but you’re grown-ups, I’m sure you can manage.  And you really should take into account the shows that get watched through the internet, and TiVo or DVR.  We DO have lives and can’t always watch when YOU want us to. 

That being said, here’s links to the “TV viewer’s Bill of Rights” and “TV Viewers’ Bill of Rights, Part 2“  We do know what we want.  Ask us.

Love, The Falcon

 

 

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