Gender Respect

From Jewish Art, edited by Grace Cohen Grossma...

I came across these articles a couple of weeks ago –>>Wives Who Scold Their Husbands in Front of Perfect Strangers & This poor guy, and they kind of struck a nerve with me.  Mostly because I know of a couple now who sort of fit this description, and also because I’ve noticed the trend in our society for the past couple of decades.  Somehow it’s okay for a wife to treat her husband like an idiot, and the husband is supposed to just take it, with a dumb smile on his face.  We see it all around us. 

I started noticing it back in the mid 80’s, with a young couple I used to know.  They were newlyweds, and the young bride had no trouble at all criticizing her husband in any number of ways, especially his earning capacity.  She had no problem pressuring her groom to get an extremely dangerous job because of the pay increase it would bring, so she could shop at places like Neiman-Marcus and Saks 5th Avenue.  She didn’t seem to comprehend that as a young man just starting out in the field he’d chosen, he was making a pretty decent buck.  It wasn’t enough for her, and she drove them into some serious financial trouble and eventually into divorce court.  And no, he never would take that dangerous job for her.  She was what we referred to as a “ball-breaker.” 

Then there were shows like “Roseanne” and others, where the husband was portrayed as nothing more than a buffoon, a decoration – and an ugly one at that in his La-Z-Boy, with beer-belching habits – whose function was solely to enable the wife to go shopping and make fun of him.  Suddenly, husband meant “court-jester” or “comic-relief.” 

And men, in their desire to please the women in their lives, let it happen.  “Oh well, I can take a joke.”  Pretty soon, it’s more than jokes, it’s insults.  And men were still expected to be “SNAG’S” (Sensitive New Age Guy’s) in the face of a woman’s derision.  But if he was too much of a SNAG, then he was a wimp, and that was bad, too.  If he didn’t take a woman’s insults and abuse, why then he was an abusive chauvinist.  Men just can’t win anymore.  The roles that once defined our society are now “passé” and unacceptable. 

Do you really think society is better for it? 

Men are supposed to be understanding and supportive, and those same qualities don’t seem to be required of women.  Why do women seem to think that’s fair?  Could it be because many of them don’t really want equality with men, but superiority over them?  Just wondering here.

Yes, I’ve known the male buffoon, but I’ve also known female ones too.  Women aren’t better, just different, and men are still deserving of our respect, just as we are still deserving of theirs.  It’s a 2-way street, and if we don’t start giving, we’ll stop getting.  It’s that simple. 

©DarcsFalcon

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Categories: Family Life, Thinking out loud | Tags: , , , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “Gender Respect

  1. knytstalker

    Hmmmm wonder who that couple could be??? ;)
    I personally like manly-men. Rugged and tough. People seem to have forgotten that a HUGE part of marriage is respect and when you belittle your spouse you are showing no respect. With it being okay for women to be jerks to their spouses and not okay the other way around that’s what we call a double standard. I feel this has a lot to do with women’s lib, but I won’t go there today. :D (No, I’m not the anti-feminist at all)

    Too bad other men aren’t as lucky as our husbands! LOL

  2. whatigotsofar

    In reference to Roseanne, the wife wasn’t exactly a genius or a great person, she was a [rhymes with itch] and a bit of a buffoon herself. But the daughters were attractive, so I continued to watch. I still have a thing for Sara Gilbert. [swooning commencing]

    Generally, whenever I venture my opinions into the topic of gender issues, I usually put my foot so far into my mouth I’m tasting kneecap so I’m going to try my best to tread lightly here.

    Do I think society is better? No. Call me kooky or crazy or whatever, but a relationship should be between two people who genuinely care for each other and help each other succeed instead of insulting and belittling each other.

    But what do I know, I’m that always single guy who women dump on.

  3. KS – *cough* Yes, you “hmmmm” all you want. ;) LOL Respect is the key issue in marriage. I once saw a show that highlighted problems in marriage, and they were saying they could predict marital failure 99% of the time based on the levels of respect in the marriage. More than money, sex, in-law, religious, or racial problems, respect was the #1 indicator of how successful a marriage would be. You have that, those other issues can be dealt with. Without it, they can’t.

    And yes, I think our husbands are pretty lucky. ;) At the same time, I think we’re pretty lucky too. :D
    ==========

    WIGSF – You are right – no foot in mouth disease in your statement at all – help each other succeed is pretty much what it’s about.

    Sara Gilbert? Really? I don’t think I’ve heard any guy express an attraction to her before. That could be because she’s a lesbian and they just didn’t want to say they liked her. Whatever her orientation, if she floats your boat, she floats it. :) There are a lot of women who find gay men attractive too.

    And dude, don’t be a dumpee anymore!

  4. "Lily"

    If you mention “Roseanne” you have to site your source!

  5. “Lily” – Brat! ROFL You almost got deleted! Smart-ass! LOL Got me on that one, yes you did!

  6. whatigotsofar

    Sara Gilbert is a lesbian? Really? Are you telling me that all these years…

    You better be joking.

  7. whatigotsofar

    According to that glorious bastion of facts, wikipedia; Sara Gilbert is a PETA supporting lesbian vegetarian. Well then, done with her, moving on now.

  8. WIGSF — Sorry to break it to ya, bud. But eventually, someone comes along to let us know there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy, and no such thing as an intelligent liberal, too. It’s a sad thing, growing up; all your delusions are shattered.

    I still don’t know who the couple is that KS and DF are talking about. :(

  9. knytstalker

    Really Darc??? You don’t know who DF and I are talking about? You and I have had conversations about this couple. I have something in common with the woman….come on!! :)

  10. sher

    It’s me, isn’t it?

  11. WIGSF – I’m sorry – I thought you knew.
    ==========

    Sher – You? Hell no! It’s not you, I promise. It’s a couple I know on another site.

    Love ya hon. Miss your blogging.

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