More Friday Funnies

Laugh a little, in fact, laugh a lot – it’s good for you!  Happy Weekend!

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

• Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 
  
• We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
  
• I take my wife everywhere … But she keeps finding her way back.
  
• I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  "Somewhere I haven’t been" in a long time!’ she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.
  
• We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.
  
• She has an electric blender, electric Toaster and electric bread maker.  She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"  So I bought her an electric chair.
  
• My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
  
• She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.
  
• She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"  The driver said, "No, jump in!"
  
• Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  
• I married Miss Right.  I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
  
• I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don’t like to interrupt her.
  
• The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, "What’s on the TV?"  I said, "Dust!"

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Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

It took years my friends and family, I know many of you have been worried about me, but there is now finally a diagnosis, what a relief!!

It’s called: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder (AAADD)

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with this condition.  The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure.

This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed.  However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn’t.  I call it the "BUT FIRST Syndrome."

You know, it’s like when I decide to do the laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table.  OK, I’m going to do the laundry …

BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper.  After that, I notice the mail on the table.  OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack …

BUT FIRST I’ll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid.  Yes, now where’s the checkbook? Oops … there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table.  I’m going to look for that checkbook.

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.  I head for the kitchen, look at the plants by the sink window and notice my poor plants, Bill and Sam need a drink of water.  I put the glass in the sink, and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter.  What’s it doing here?

I’ll just put it away …

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants.  I head to the garage to get my watering can and…

Aaaagh!  Stepped one of Jack’s hot wheels.  Need to put it in the toy box.  Okay, BUT FIRST, I’ll put that remote away and water the plants …

BUT FIRST I need to get that overflowing garbage out to the bin.

END of Day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, hot wheels are still on the floor, checkbook is still lost and I misplaced the remote control again …

And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I’m baffled because …

I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!!

I realize this condition is serious …
I’d get help …

BUT FIRST …
I think …
I’ll check my e-mail