You know, I spent the first few decades of my life not having a single sinus problem. Then all of a sudden, a couple of years ago, my sinuses started acting like Little Miss Muffet every time there was a cloud in the sky. I don’t know what the problem is, but frankly, I’m done now. I’m tired of waking up with the same headache I went to bed with, and I’m tired of spontaneous breathing problems that have a mind of their own. Noses are for breathing, dammit, now stop arguing with me and go back to doing what you do best.
Anyway, I did manage to catch “the Catch” and the “After the Catch” shows I love so much. It’s funny the things that pop into my head when I listen to the captains and crews sitting around shootin’ the breeze. For instance, last night one of the guys mentioned something about how it’s hard when fishermen get married because their wives want them to take jobs that are close to home, but the man misses being a fisherman. That statement kind of swirled around in my head for a while and I realized that’s one of the things I probably dislike most about being a woman – the assumption that all I want to do is “change my man.” Not that it’s an issue for me now, but it has been in the past when I was dating. My husband knows I wouldn’t want to change him even if I could. Trying to convince dates of that was a pain in the butt, because men are so used to women trying to change them, now it’s hard for them to believe a woman who says she doesn’t.
This is my personal opinion but if I could only give out one single piece of marriage advice (and lucky you I’m not limited to a single piece of advice because I have a blog, neener!) it would be to tell women, “YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM.” I’ve known women who think this is possible, I’ve seen women leave comments on articles and blogs that they’re going to change their mates, I’ve known single women who were already planning on how they’d change any potential future husband – and they hadn’t even met him yet! How stupid is that?! If you cannot love and accept him as he is, then don’t marry him, you’ll only end up making both of you miserable. It’s not worth it. And if you bring children into such a union, they’ll only see that you think men are “not good enough.” You’ll only send the message to your husband that he’s “not good enough.” Yeah, there’s a cure for marital bliss.
All right guys, sound off.
(Don’t worry ladies, your turn tomorrow!)
I, personally, have never encountered this attitude. No woman has ever tried to change me, for better or for worse. However, I have known women who have tried to get their men to change and yes, it always ends badly. Always.
Come to think of it, I wonder if not being the target of someone’s desire to change was indication of how bad I was? Maybe it seemed like too big a waste of time.
Hm. Anyway, you did make me change, but not because you were trying to. You made me WANT to be a better man. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?
Ideally, sure. But we’ve always accepted each other as we are. I never “expected” you to change, or attempted to change you. You’re good with me babe.
I’d love to have a woman try to change me.
Yeah, I’m that desperate.
It won’t be long now, and don’t get too desperate.
I take back my comment. I’m me. Anybody has a problem with that, they can kiss my hairy butt!
That’s the spirit!!
But just to make sure I have this right – they can kiss your butt, but they can never, ever, under any circumstances, hug you. Correct?
Great advice. “You will not change him.” Like Knyt said, he might change over time, but it won’t be because his wife said so.
If a man wants to change, he will, but not if someone’s trying to make him – the ol’ proverbial horse to water thing.
There’s a saying about why marriages fail: She thinks he will change and he doesn’t; he thinks she won’t change and she does.
My marriage was a fine example of this.
That’s what tomorrows post is going to be about.
I’m sorry about your marriage being that way.
No one changes unless they want to. And one benefit of being raised by my stubborn father is that I learned early you can’t anyone.
I may have put up with some nonsense in my life by believing I couldn’t change the guy, but I was right not to try to change him. I should’ve left sooner is all.
There’s the thing – leaving sooner. Perhaps you were lucky in some ways to learn the lesson that you can’t change people.
Hear, hear.