Funnies

A Long Time

A couple of goofballs in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?"

The man said, "I’ll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I’d better go check."

After a while, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We’re gonna build a house."

My Favorite Animal

My teacher asked what my favorite animal was and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too … especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class, my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now.

*****

A “2-fer” this week.    I hope you got twice the chuckles and that you have a doubly funny weekend.