Punnies

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Curmference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One said, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other said, “Are you sure?” The first replied, “Yes, I’m positive.”

25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends in the hope at least one of the puns would make one laugh. No pun in ten did.

Thanks to iOwnTheWorld >Trying To Kill the Art of the Pun in One Post

Have a great weekend!  Don’t forget to smile, it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.  ‘Winking smile

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Categories: Funny, Laughing Out Loud | Tags: , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Punnies

  1. Thanks for sharing…have a good weekend!

    MR

    Thanks MR! You do the same! :)

  2. These are great. I wonder if they can have puns in other languages ?

    I’ve always wondered that too! :)

  3. I like the envelope one and the “Keep off the grass” one too.

    Those were cute! :) I thought you’d get a kick out of the baseball one.

  4. Our favorite is the fruit flies. The kids and I were rolling. :)

    Hahaha, that was a good one. :) I liked the baseball one too.

  5. #1…really? I about choked on my coffee.

    LOL No choking allowed! It’s a complete waste of good coffee! ;)

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