Friday Funnies

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: "California archaeologists have found traces of a 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, "The Redneck Rebel Gazette" in Alabama reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Alabama had already gone wireless.

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Holy E-Mail

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.’
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?

*

*

*

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.

~~~~~~~~~~

Exercise for people over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then try 50-lb. potato sacks.
Then eventually try to get to where you can lift a100-lb. potato sack in each hand, and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

~~~~~~~~~~

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub.  Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, here’s an awesome video for you to check out.  Yep, it’s work safe.  I can’t post it here myself because it’s not a WordPress approved video service – silly WP, but click on the link and I guarantee you a smile to start your weekend off right.    Here’s a laughing baby

Anything you want to read about on Monday?

Friday Funnies

Priceless!

If you’ve ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.  On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.  The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.  He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”  A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, “I make $400 a week.  Why?”  The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”  Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room came a voice, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

 

 

WAYS TO BRIGHTEN UP A BORING DAY

in the office…

Run one lap around the office at top speed.

Ignore the first five people who say “good morning” to you.

Phone someone in the office that you barely know, leave your name and say “Just called to say I can’t talk right now, Bye.”

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

Leave your zipper open for an hour. If anyone points it out, say “Sorry, but I really prefer it this way.”

In the middle of a meeting, suddenly yell out “YAHTZEE!”

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding in the elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Say to your boss, “I like your style”, and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee, then ask “Did you get all that?, I don’t want to have to repeat it.”

Page yourself over the intercom (do NOT disguise your voice).

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting. (I confess, I have actually done this one, while working at a bank. ~V)

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem. (Extra points if you actually launch into it yourself.)

Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off/on 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone as “Bob.”

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two!”

While an officemate is out, move their chair to the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce “With God as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”

In a colleague’s daytimer, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights.”

Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “Do you wanna swap?”

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it.”

Speak in an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

Woo, it’s Friday!  First one in October!  Laugh yourself silly and have a great weekend. 

Friday Funnies

I had to chuckle at the first set – I think I’m probably guilty of a few of these! 

WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
   
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
   
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
   
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
   
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of ‘nothing’.)
   
6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
   
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
   
8. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3

 

 

THE THERAPIST

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable. An entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

 

It’s Friday, laugh at something!  Just not at me!  With me is perfectly fine, but never at me.    Have a great weekend!

Trooper Humor

Once again, Blame it on the Voices comes to my rescue!  I almost fell out of my chair laughing at this one, imagining the look on the face of the poor sop who got busted. 

Urban legend, joke, or true story – funny is funny. 

It’s Friday, laugh a little!

***********************************

Accident Reports

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have."

"No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

"When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

Friday Funnies

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

It took years my friends and family, I know many of you have been worried about me, but there is now finally a diagnosis, what a relief!!

It’s called: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder (AAADD)

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with this condition. The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure.

This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed. However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn’t. I call it the "BUT FIRST Syndrome."

You know, it’s like when I decide to do the laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…..

BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….

BUT FIRST I’ll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes, now where’s the checkbook? Oops…there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook.

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look at the plants by the sink window and notice my poor plants, Bill and Sam need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here?

I’ll just put it away……

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head to the garage to get my watering can and…

Aaaagh! Stepped one of Jack’s hot wheels. Need to put it in the toy box . Okay, BUT FIRST, I’ll put that remote away and water the plants….

BUT FIRST I need to get that overflowing garbage out to the bin.

END of Day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, hot wheels are still on the floor, checkbook is still lost and I misplaced the remote control again….

And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I’m baffled because…….

I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!!

I realize this condition is serious…….

I’d get help……..

BUT FIRST……

I think…..

I’ll check my e-mail

Don’t Mess with Old People

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

MORAL? :: Don’t Mess with Old People!!

Friday Funnies

Train Ticket

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game.  At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

‘How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?’ asks one of the men. 

‘Watch and learn,’ answers one of the women.

They all board the train.  The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.  He knocks on the toilet door and says, ‘Ticket, please.’  The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.  The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don’t buy any ticket at all!!

‘How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ asks one perplexed man. 

‘Watch and learn,’ answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.  She knocks on their door and says, ‘Ticket please.’

I’m still trying to figure out why men think they are smarter than women.

Beige

When Darc and I were dating, oh those many light years ago, he told me a joke.

How can you tell the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend, and a wife?

During sex, the prostitute says, “Ya done yet?”

The girlfriend says, “Aw, is it over so soon?”

And the wife says, “Beige … I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

It has become one of our own “in-house” type of jokes since then, for instance, when we’re watching a movie that turns out to be a snore fest and one of us asks, “Do you want to keep watching?” the other will respond, “Beige … I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.” 

So you can imagine my guffaws when I saw this LOLCats in my Reader the other day.   

more animals

Friday Funnies For You

Funeral Notice

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.  Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player.  Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.  Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.  The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."  Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes — conned by those who buttered him up.  Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.  Fresh is survived by his second wife.  They have two children and another bun in the oven.  The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

Deep Thoughts for those who take life WAY TOO serious!

• Save the whales.  Collect the whole set  
  
• A day without sunshine is like … NIGHT  
  
• On the other hand … you have different fingers.  
  
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.  
  
• He who laughs last … thinks slowest.  
  
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.  
  
• Support bacteria.  They’re the only culture some people have.  
  
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  
  
• How many of you believe in psychokinesis? If you do … Raise my hand!
  
• OK … so what is the speed of dark??
  
• When everything is coming your way … you’re in the wrong lane!
  
• Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some people just don’t have film.
  
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  
• I couldn’t repair your brakes, so … I made your horn louder.
  
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  
• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what in the world happened!
  
• Light travels faster than sound.  That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

Friday Funnies

It’s the end of the first full week of the new year, time to get the chuckles off to a nice start, and Lord knows, we always need a good chuckle.  Enjoy!

Why?

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

 

Wormy Sermon

A Southern Baptist minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

• The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
• The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
• The third worm was put into a jar of chocolate syrup.
• The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

• The first worm in alcohol – Dead.
• The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.
• Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead.
• Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this demonstration?"

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms."

*I am happy to report that I am in no danger what-so-ever of getting worms. 

 

Friday Funnies

Cowboy Wisdom

 

• Never wrestle with a pig, You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
• There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
• Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.
• Never trust a man who agrees with you. He’s probably wrong.
• The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop diggin’.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• The only way to avoid housework is to live outside.
• You can’t trust your dog to watch your food.
• Bein’ too positive in your opinions kin get you invited to a dance — in the street, to the music of shots, nicely aimed.
• It takes a big man to cry… but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
• Genius has its limits. Stupidity knows no bounds.
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.

Some Sunday Funnies for you

 

Doctors’ Opinions of Universal Health Care

 

When a panel of doctors was asked their opinion on the proposed Universal Health Care program, here’s what they had to say:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

Friday Funnies

Ah, finally, it’s Friday.  Not sure why, but it feels like it’s been a really long week.  So I’m prime for some giggles, and thought I’d spread them around.  Laughter is wealth, right?    Don’t forget, tomorrow is Sweetest Day, and Halloween is in just 2 weeks!  Have a great weekend y’all! 

(h/t Blame it on the Voices)

 

 

A special nod to my friends Ben and Bryce – this is how Zombies are REALLY made! 

more animals

 

RED ALERT ON STOCK MARKET

Normally I avoid giving any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be an investment problem of momentous proportion.
Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, or Northern Tissue Company.
Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas.
You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.
It’s a tough market out there. Be careful!

Thursday Funny

more animals

 

I’m in a thoughtful mood today.  It seems like I have a lot on my mind but I haven’t yet fully formed my thoughts.  I’m one of those people who can’t think on the fly – I’m not quick-witted like some of you.  I need time to gel.  I’m like a stew that way, you know, better later on. 

Plus, today I need to work on my football picks and get those posted, and I’ve been putting up things on my political blog too.  My faith one has taken a back seat, probably until after the election.  I’m not worried too much though, as my faith isn’t going anywhere. 

And I’m still trying to adjust to this keyboard.  I think something’s wrong with the shift key as it almost never works.  Either that, or my pinky’s broken and I don’t know it!  Which reminds me of a joke I saw over on my friend KnytStalker’s blog:

AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE 
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.  
‘Impossible! ‘ says the doctor. ‘Show me.’  
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;  likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.  
The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?  
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’  
‘I thought so,’ the doctor said. ‘Your finger is broken.’ 

On that note, I’ll see you tomorrow. 

©DarcsFalcon

Friday Funnies

It’s Friday, and you need some laughs to start the weekend.  Enjoy!

 

Deep Thoughts for those who take life WAY TOO serious!

It is sometimes too easy to take ourselves too seriously. A friend sent this as a reminder.

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like….. NIGHT
3. On the other hand……..you have different fingers.
4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
5. He who laughs last…….thinks slowest.
6. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
7. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? If you do……Raise my hand!
10. OK… so what is the speed of dark??
11. When everything is coming your way…….you’re in the wrong lane!
12. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don’t have film.
13. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
14. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
15. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so…….I made your horn louder.
16. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
17. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what in the world happened!
18. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

Giggle For You

I wish they had this program for a number of sites, not just YouTube!  Of course, I am exempt from such moronic comments, because all my comments are insightful, humorous, and wise.  I would never, EVER say anything moronic.  Aw, shut up!  Just enjoy the chuckle! 

(h/t Blame It On The Voices)