Wednesday Wondering

imageI was going through my blogroll a few days ago, clearing out broken links, blogs that have been all but abandoned, updating new blogs – general blogroll maintenance.  I’m sure you know the drill.  Sometimes we just do that.   As I did, I had a few things flit through my mind.  I recalled the person who (quite some time ago) sent Darc an email requesting that he remove them from his blogroll.  In trying to determine if it was a spam generated email or a legitimate one, we discovered that said person had decided to believe a lot of their own misconceptions about us (and it turned out about others as well) and was actually holding some amount of hostility toward us for reasons we never really figured out.  Such is life and the nature of the blogging world, I suppose. 

And then I got to thinking, why do we do that?  Why is the blogroll used that way?  I think similar things occur on Facebook too, with the friends list.  “I’m going to take you off my blogroll!”  “I’m going to un-friend you!”  I remembered – and cringed – when I was about 7 and threatened the neighbor girl with “I won’t be your best friend anymore!”  I have no recollection why, but I do remember saying it.  We all did that, and I’m sure kids across the world do that still.  Why was that such a threat?  That never occurred to my 7-year-old brain.  Did I think friendship with me was such a prize?  Did I think I could control her?  Did I think she cared?  Did I think she had no other friend options?  I don’t even know, but I do recall that feeling of wanting to bend her to my will somehow, to make her do what I wanted.  And I thought my friendship was the tool I could use to do that.

Boy, was I dumb!  I was also 7. 

Eventually we grow up, or think we do anyway!  LOL  I know lots of “grown-ups” who are stuck on 7 in lots of ways!  No doubt you do too.  It makes me sad to know that.  I have learned in the years since then, how very valuable friendship is, how it needs to be cherished and nurtured and not taken for granted, and certainly not used at a threat or manipulation.  It is a gift.  Loyalty means a great deal to me. 

And a blogroll is not a litmus test of anyone’s friendship. 

I like to think I’ve grown up a little since those long ago days when I was 7.  Or 17.  Or 37.  Maturity should be a constant goal, shouldn’t it?  When I was little I wanted nothing more than to be a grown-up.  I thought I would hit 21, and I would “arrive.”  I had no idea it would be a lifetime endeavor!  If I had, I might not have wanted it so much.  😉

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Categories: Memories, Personal, Thinking out loud | Tags: , , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “Wednesday Wondering

  1. whatigotsofar

    Oh, that reminds me. I’ve gotta take you off my blogroll. I’m so sick of that dancing lady in the left column. She’s been dancing for as long as I can remember and never once, NOT ONCE, has she taken her clothes off. Sheesh. Take the hat off, do a little twirl or something. I’m a lonely guy dammit! I need something.

    You don’t like my Meez? That’s supposed to represent ME you know, you think I’m gonna take my clothes off on my blog?!


    • whatigotsofar

      That’s supposed to be you??? Where’s the horns, pointy tail and pitch fork?

      Oh I leave those in a suitcase in the closet – I only pull them out for special occasions.


  2. *checks blogroll for my name* Whew! 😉 Sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I think I’m back now.

    But you are always around in my heart. 🙂 *hugs*


  3. I’ve only ever un-friended on person on Facebook, and that’s because he was a creep. He used to give me the greasy eyeball back when we were in school together, but I accepted his friend request out of pity because he doesn’t really have many friends. His status updates were all like “why am I so fat and lonely?”. It was too negative. I had to give up on him.

    Well, sometimes you just have to leave people to their own devices. Sad, but true.


  4. I’ve unfriended a friend on facebook. I felt juvenile telling her so too. I mean, I could’ve unfriended her and not told her, but that felt juvenile as well. But it wasn’t a threat or anything. We had a falling out, and I decided not to expend the energy to fix it. And sure I could’ve left her on my friend list and pretended everything was fine, but I didn’t want to do that either.

    She was surprised. But I didn’t do it in that shouty, 7 year old fashion. At least I hope not. I wrote her calmly that we had grown apart, I was disappointed in her treatment of me, and I didn’t think it was something I could fix. That I would always be suspicious of what she said to me. Anyway.

    I read in a short story the idea that we are every age we’ve ever been and that age comes out from time to time–the 7 year old, the 21 year old, etc.

    We keep on muddling through!

    Every age we’ve ever been – that’s an interesting notion. I guess if I think of them like flashbacks or something, LOL. I fear I have far too many “14 y/o moments” than I care to admit! 😀


  5. I almost hate to have a blogroll (I call it destinations) and simply have a column as I do now that are sites I use for reference.

    I don’t like to say to to world “I hold these blogs to be superior to all others in my heart.” I am always finding new ones and I am grateful. So the blogroll may go. My blog is not an exclusive club on the internet. It’s meant to be a comfortable place to hang and discuss.

    Now that WP allows you to make different categories for the blogroll, it’s much easier to divide the “friend” blogs from the “reference” blogs that you follow. I have found that to be handy.

    I’ve only taken someone off my blogroll recently and I did it in what Inspector Clouseau called a ” Rit of fealous jage” and there was little reason for it. I had misunderstood what someone had said. It was a case of not knowing that person well enough how to filter her/hercorrectly. I let the person know and I am sorry. That’s about it and you just are out there doing your best. Most important, you have keep going out there and try to remember that everyone else is doing their best, too. And in the big picture, the ten commandments and not blogrolls rule.

    It’s easy to misunderstand things that are strictly in text in the blog world. Some people are very hard to decipher, to know if they’re being hostile or just trying to be funny and sarcastic and it comes out wrong. It can be hard not to get tripped up on that!


  6. steve

    I would never “de-blog roll” you or Darcs!
    I try to send people to interesting blog sites. Such as doc’s; I think you enjoyed his blog. He’d been gone for a while. What a cool blog site!

    Nor I you, brother dear! *hug*

    I did like Doc’s site – and his latest post about his childhood made me soooo jealous! lol


  7. Recently I had to un-friend my former sister-in-law after we got in a HUGE fight over my nephew. Some of my very best memories are of the times we spent together and it really hurts that I had to tell her what a selfish person she is.

    Oh that’s too bad. I’m impressed that you remained friends with her after the divorce.

    I don’t use my friendship as a weapon, but if you hurt me, you’re gone.

    That’s how I feel too. When I know the hurt was deliberate. I’ve been hurt accidentally and had to work through it with the other person, but when someone really is trying to hurt you in some way, well, life’s too short to spend with people who hate you.


    • I loved her to death, and I thought the feeling was mutual, but somewhere along the lines I stopped being her friend and became her ex-husband’s sister. And for some reason she decided if I wanted to see my neice and nephew I needed to go through my brother…the one who’s stationed in Korea. Whatever.

      Oh that’s too bad that your friendship had to turn out like that. I’m so sorry. *hugs*


  8. My blogroll is a list of the blogs I love to read. I try not to make it a “friendship” thing.

    My Friends List on LiveJournal was a mixture of blogs I enjoyed and of people I considered “friends” of mine (mostly in an internet way)… But the whole vibe is different over there. Also, it ended in tears more than once and I had some truly INSANE run-ins. Ugh.

    I’ve been unfriended in Facebook (because of an argument on LJ) but the only person I’ve dumped was one who had picked up some kind of virus thngy that she was spamming us all with. I’d known her at school, she wasn’t a close mate, she looked like she had grown up as rough as they come and she didn’t sort out the virus… So BYE BYE to her.

    I tried doing LiveJournal a few years ago. I might still have an account there, but I don’t remember. And FB is kind of off my radar right now. Connection reasons, ugh! That virus thing, what a bummer! I hate it when that happens! Last time I personally had one was about a dozen years ago, on AOL, a friend who was using my computer downloaded something that gave me a Trojan Horse. I was on the phone with AOL for ages trying to get my computer cleaned up. The virus kept sending out all my keystrokes, including all my passwords, to some unknown location. It was a nightmare!


  9. Onyx

    Oh I filter my Facebook all the time. Same with my MSN. If you never contact me, and I never feel the need to contact you, either, it’s time to go! What’s the point? I have lots of people from high school who have added me, and I’ve consequently deleted them after a couple weeks to a month. It feels as though they do it to keep tabs more than anything.

    I especially hate the ones where they add me… and weeks go by, and they never say anything. Why?! Do they just enjoy creeping my profile? I’m really not that exciting.

    Filtering is necessary, I think.

    Filtering is a good thing, IMO. Just a necessary fact of life. 🙂


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