Funnies

THE BADGE OF AUTHORITY

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.  He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
 
The rancher says, "Okay, but don’t go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  "See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land.   No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull.  With every step the 2,000 pound bull is gaining ground on the officer,  and it seems likely that he’ll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified.
 
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

h/t to To The Point News for this one.  Smile

*****

My Car! My Car!

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side.  The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.  His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. 

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.  “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said.  “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down?  It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”

“My God!” screamed the lawyer.  “My Rolex! My Rolex!”.

***

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to smile at least twice.  Smile

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Categories: Funny, Laughing Out Loud | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Funnies

  1. I love the rancher joke

    I had to chuckle at that one too. 🙂

    Like

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