Q: What’s an Irishman who keeps bouncing off walls called?
A: Rick O’Shea.
Q. What do you call a camel with no humps?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?’
‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked.
‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
‘What’s the matter, asked Larry ‘Giving up?’
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Larry quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
Larry’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.
Larry asked,"Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? "
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their conversation it turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups -porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you’re drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups.
Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
Grant me a sense of humor, Lord, the saving grace to see a joke, To win some happiness from life, And pass it on to other folks.
Have a wonderful weekend and don’t forget to smile!