For the Lexiphile (i.e., "lovers of words")


– To write with a broken pencil is – pointless.

-When fish are in schools they sometimes – take debate.

-A thief who stole a calendar – got twelve months.

-When the smog lifts in Los Angeles – U.C.L.A.

-The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes – was on shaky ground.

-The batteries were given out – free of charge.

-A dentist and a manicurist married – They fought tooth and nail.

-A will is a – dead giveaway.

-If you don’t pay your exorcist – you can get repossessed.

-With her marriage, she got a new name – and a dress.

-Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you – A-flat miner.

-You are stuck with your debt if – you can’t budge it.

-Local Area Network in Australia – The LAN down under.

-A boiled egg is – hard to beat.

-When you’ve seen one shopping center – you’ve seen a mall.

-Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was – resisting a rest.

-Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? – He’s all right now.

-If you take a laptop computer for a run you could – jog your memory.

-A bicycle can’t stand alone – it is two tired.

-In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism – it’s your Count that votes.

-When a clock is hungry – it goes back four seconds

-The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine – was fully recovered.

-He had a photographic memory – which was never developed.

-Those who get too big for their britches will be – exposed in the end.

-When she saw her first strands of gray hair – she thought she’d dye.

-Acupuncture – a jab well done.


Have a great weekend!  Open-mouthed smile

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Categories: Funny, Laughing Out Loud | Tags: , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Funnies

  1. Have a great weekend Vanessa! 😉

    I will my friend, you do the same! *hugs*


  2. Bob

    Awesome ones!

    Thanks Bob! Glad you like ’em! 🙂


  3. Heh, these are amusing.

    And words that end in the suffix “-phile” make me uncomfortable.

    It depends on the phile. I love files, and some philes, like Anglophiles. When I hear “phile” I think “fan.” 🙂


  4. Grandpa’s a real treasure. He’s buried under that X by the palm tree.

    Hahahahaha! That’s a good one Carl! 😀


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