Funnies

Difference between the North & the South…

The difference between the North and the South – at last, clearly explained.

  • The North has Bloomingdale’s, the South has Dollar General.
  • The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses. 
  • The North has dating services, the South has family reunions. 
  • The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45’s.
  • The North has double last names; the South has double first names. 
  • The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races. 
  • The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits. 
  • The North has green salads, the South has collard greens. 
  • The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish. 
  • The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt. 

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH  

 

  • In the South:  If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
  • Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store. 
  • Remember, ‘Y’all’ is singular, ‘all y’all’ is plural, and ‘all y’all’s’ is plural possessive. 
  • Get used to hearing ‘You ain’t from ‘round here, are ya?’ 
  • Save all manner of bacon grease.
  • (NOTE: used to flavor green beans, fry eggs in, heat in cast iron fry pan before dumping in cornbread makins’, or biscuits,  put on chigger bites, add to make lots of things taste better.)
  • Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective ‘big’ol,’ as in ‘big’ol, truck’ or ‘big’ol’ boy.’  Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
  • The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 
  • Be advised that  “He needed killin’” is a valid defense here.
  • If you hear a Southerner exclaim, ‘Hey, y’all watch this,’ you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
  • If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. 
  • Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
  • In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
  • AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain’t gonna call ’em biscuits. 

    *****

  • So now we know!  Have a great weekend, whether North or South.  Smile

    All rights reserved by DarcsFalcon

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Categories: Funny, Just for Fun, Laughing Out Loud | Tags: , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Funnies

  1. It would not be America without the south.

    That’s the truth! Sometimes I think the south is the most uniquely American part of us. 🙂

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  2. I love the south. I’m just to dark skinned to visit.

    I’m guessing you’ve never been to the south, Mr Pale Face. 😉

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  3. I admit I find a southern accent and use “y’all” when I’m mad…as in “all y’all need to get to work and stop whining.” I don’t know why, but get me angry and I’m all sorts of southern.

    I think it’s because the words are so … rolly. They roll over the tongue and almost form themselves, especially when we’re mad!

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  4. If the cat had kittens in the oven? That is hysterical.

    I am familiar with the plural of “y’all”, but I didn’t realize you could slap an apostrophe S on the end of it to make it possessive. That’s handy. I sometimes address my staff collectively as “all y’all”. They think it’s pretty funny.

    “All y’all” just flows so nicely over the tongue, doesn’t it? 🙂

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