Birthdays and Baby Girls

She finally decided to make her fashionably late appearance at the party – about a week or so past due.  It was early on a Sunday morning and I was at my desk playing solitaire since I couldn’t really sleep.  The pains started – again, just like they had been for the previous week.  But this time, I knew.  I went to draw a bath and that woke up my husband, who came out of the bedroom and asked, “Is this it?” 

“Yes, this is it.” 

I eased into that tub and didn’t move.  It was a painful 90 minutes but at the end of it I had a beautiful baby girl.  She was just the balm my sorrowing mommy-heart needed, a 10lb 22” blessing.  She was God smiling at me and I held her to me for all I was worth, like she was the life-line and not I. 

We have something special, her and I – just like my son and daddy have something unique between them.  She’s my girl, my precious baby-one.  And now she’s 3 and it’s hard to believe the baby years are over.  There’s something about 3 that kind of makes a mommy sad in a way.  You hold onto and cherish the baby times, and while they’re still 2, they’re still somehow the baby.  But not at 3.  Three, they’re little kids and putting their baby ways to bed.  The nursing is over, and diapers will be soon too.  The funny speech starts giving way to more articulation, the awkward running becomes more graceful.  Things like forks and spoons are more manageable and it seems like everything is something they “can do it by myself!” 

It’s a growing, a separating from mommy, a start on the road to independence.  It is the beginning of the letting go, one breath at a time.  And as painful as it is to watch, it’s just as much, if not more-so, joyful to behold.  Three is hard for mommy though, especially the very last 3.  Everything is harder when it’s the very last one.  As though having your heart walk around outside your body was easy! 

These days, she will often run to cuddle with me, snuggle her curly head into my shoulder and sigh, “You’re my best friend mommy!”  And I squeeze her tight and tell her she’s my best friend too.  She’s really more than that though.  She’s my heart, my joy, and my peace, all rolled into one.  And today she turns 3.

Happy Birthday princess!!