Funnies

Puns for Smart People with a slightly warped sense of humor

• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
  
• Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
  
• Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
  
• Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.
  
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
  
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
  
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
  
• What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
  
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
  
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
  
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  
• Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
  
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  
• A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
  
• A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

*****

I love a slightly warped sense of humor! 

Have a wonderful weekend!