The Mate Clique

If I said, “Shakkah,” how would you respond?  Would you give me a weird look and say, “What in the world is wrong with you?”  Probably.  Not my husband, though.  I know as he’s reading this he’s thinking, “When the walls fell.”  The meaning, to us, is clear – failure.  And you would only know that if you’ve seen the episode called, “Darmok” from Star Trek, The Next Generation.  Likewise, if one of us says, “Zinda!  His face black, his eyes red!” the other knows that someone is very, very pissed.  Yes, we’re weird.  That was never in question.  ;)  My point is that over the years we’ve developed our own language of sorts, based on things we love, or hate, things we have in common, that allow us to communicate with one another in ways no one else understands.  We have our own little clique. 

That particular episode of Star Trek happens to be one of our mutual favorites, so we’ve glommed onto a few lines.  We also had an affection for Paul Winfield, the principal non-TNG regular in that episode.  He did the voice-over work on City Confidential, as well; another of our favorite shows. 

Because of the exclusive little clique we’re in, when my husband is reading at his computer and mutters, “Ow,” I know he’s come across a butchery of the English language, whether it’s spelling, punctuation, or grammar.  He can tell by the way I sigh if it’s an angry sigh, a frustrated one, or a tired one.  We know each other’s jokes and stories, habits, quirks, likes, dislikes, tastes, and distastes.  This is our club. 

It occurred to me over the weekend that I’ve never been in a clique before.  Not as a kid, not in high school, and certainly not in my 1st marriage.  I don’t know why it was that way, but it was.  I can’t really explain why what I have now does feel like a clique, either.  It just does.  There are times when the Biblical line of, “The two shall become one,” finally makes sense to me.  There’s a blending, a merging – of thoughts, ideas, beliefs.  Not to say we don’t have our, “Dammit, you are really pissing me off!” moments, but they’re pretty rare.  Half the time we’re finishing each other’s sentences.  You’d think that would get annoying after a while but it doesn’t.  There’s a sort of comfort in knowing that someone else knows you that well, almost better than you know yourself, and likes you anyway.  We belong.  Darmok and Jalahd, at Tenagrah.  😀 

 

©DarcsFalcon

Lucky in Love

Happy Anniversary, to my best friend, My Beloved Husband.  🙂

Thursday Thankfulness

Image by Rickydavid via Flickr

It’s often hard when you’re going through a difficult time, to remember your blessings.  Sometimes those blessings can seem so far away in light of the hard times that we forget them, because the darkness in our lives is so overpowering. 

Personally, I’ve been in a tunnel for the last few years.  I don’t understand the why of it, I don’t know why God allowed it to happen, but I know that He’s in charge and I trust Him, even if my heart has been broken into more pieces that you can imagine.  It’s easy to forget to be grateful during such times, especially when they seem never-ending, as it often seems for me. 

Despite the hardships though, God is still God in my life, and I am thankful for many things – especially the knowledge that God is still God in my life.  It’s a knowledge that can not rely on "feeling" because without question, I do not feel God in my life in any way, shape, or form.  Nonetheless, I know He’s there.  Faith or belief isn’t based on emotion or feeling.  There is no "tickle in the pit of my stomach," no "surge of emotion" to convince me that something is true.  It’s just something I know, like I know I am female.  I know God is present in a way that I can take for granted – but I don’t, I can’t.  But more on that when I get my “Religion” page up in a few weeks.  🙂

I am thankful for my husband and my marriage.  There are moments when I think I could use “I” and “we” interchangeably because we think so much alike.  We have weathered trials that would annihilate lesser marriages, but those same trials brought us even closer together and forged a bond even I can’t define.  Our jagged edges fit together perfectly into a new union forged of separate wholes. 

I am thankful for my children.  I have been so blessed with them!  No birth defects, no diseases, no trips to the emergency room (so far, thank God!).  They are happy and well-behaved.  They are healthy – I haven’t had to cope with autism or ADD or ADHD, or anything at all except for maybe 6 colds and 2 stomach flu incidents – between both of them, in their whole lives.  They are bright, curious, inquisitive, smart, and grounded in their own identities.  I am a lucky mom, and I am grateful!

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food on my table.  I have a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear.  I’m healthy – maybe 4 colds in the last decade?  I can’t remember but I hardly ever get sick.  I have a decent place to live with a few amenities that I so appreciate!  I live in a pretty decent area that’s not high crime.  Compared to many of you, I’m probably lacking a lot, but you should know that once you’ve been stripped of everything, little things that were once taken for granted become precious.  It’s along the lines of that saying, “I was angry that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.”  You also learn that you can live without a lot of things you thought you needed. 

I’m thankful I’m an American.  Of all the countries I could have been born in, I think I got the best of the lot.  We have our problems, no doubt, but I’ll take them over the troubles in other countries any day. 

I’m thankful for the friends I’ve met here along the way.  You know who you are.  :D  What you probably don’t know is that I pray for you, by name, pretty much every day.  I am humbled by your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your generosity.  You have been a balm for my spirit and I thank God for each and every one of you.               

 

©DarcsFalcon

Love and Marriage

I read an interesting statistic the other day. It stated that on average couples fight 182 times a year, each fight lasting roughly a half an hour. That’s about 3 straight days fighting with your spouse.

Initially I had only glanced at the little box with the information, scanning the magazine page for something interesting to read while I smoked. A few seconds later it dawned on me, wait a minute, 182 fights a year? I scanned my brain trying to remember the last 30 min or longer fight I’d had with my husband. If we were "average", that should have been just a couple of days ago. Was it during my last pregnancy back in ’05? Did that count?

I asked him about it, and he said, "I don’t know, 2002?" I guess he didn’t count when I was pregnant, excusing me for being hormonal. He had noticed that statistic too, so we talked about it. "Can you imagine fighting that much with someone you love, someone who’s supposed to be your best friend in the whole world, your ally, the one who’s presumably always at your side and covering your back? No wonder the divorce rate is so high!" I just felt kind of sorry for those couples, and if you’re one of them, I’m truly sorry you’re living like that. It sucks, and I know, because after my husband and I had talked about it, other stuff ran through my mind, like things from my first marriage. If I had read that statistic back then, I probably would have said, "Only 182?" And I recalled something that person I used to be married to said to me after we’d filed for divorce. "Now that we’re getting divorced, we can be friends." Isn’t that a stupid thing to say? I don’t know what I replied back then. Probably something along the lines of, "If you didn’t think enough of me to be friends while we were married, what the hell makes you think I’d want to be friends with you now?"

So for those of you in that kind of relationship, I’ve felt your pain, and I have an answer for you – respect. In large part, the success of a relationship boils down to respect. Sure, there are going to be fights now and then, because we’re human and imperfect and fallible. And I’m not saying my husband and I don’t get on each other’s nerves sometimes. But if you don’t have enough respect for your partner to refrain from calling them names and constantly fighting with them, why are you together? You really don’t need Dr. Phil to figure this one out, it’s pretty simple. Treat your beloved as you wish to be treated, and when you both do this, guess what? A pretty happy state of being. If you both stop being selfish, something wonderful happens, and it’s worth putting yourself aside for it. I can personally attest to this fact.

Mother’s Day

My beloved is sleeping now.  He has to get up in … about 4 hours so he can get to the airport on time for his business trip.  It’s the first time we’ll be apart in 5 years, and the longest we’ve ever been apart.  It’s hard for people to understand what we have, I know.  There was a time when we were together 24/7 for nearly 2 years and when that time was up, we were sad to see it go.  I have never met another couple like us.  I have seen mother’s pray for the end of Christmas vacation because they were sick of their kids being underfoot, and I have seen ladies complain that their retired husbands were really getting on their nerves and they wished they’d find a hobby or something just to get them out of the house.  And I wondered why such people had children and spouses if all they wanted was for them to go away.  Sure, I guess everyone needs some “me” time now and then … I don’t deny that I do too, but I just don’t seem to find it within me to wish my children or husband to go away for any length of time.  I like having my children around.  Not to say that they don’t get on my nerves sometimes but that never seems to last for long.  This time with them is precious and finite.  (Trust me, you will miss it when it’s gone.)  I would like to take a shower in peace, sure, but I know that one day I will, and I will miss that the kids aren’t there to pretend the shower curtain makes them into a ghost when they hide behind it while I’m showering.

You’d think that after spending 21 months – 90 weeks – 630 days – 15,120 hours – 907,200 minutes together constantly that my husband and I would get sick of each other and run out of things to say.  So not the case!  When we are together we can be like 2 magpies constantly chattering.  I like him, I understand him, and I find him an interesting person.  He makes me laugh nearly every day with some off the cuff remark or a smart-ass comment.  How could I not like him?  (And Babe, when you read this, don’t say, “Lots of people don’t” because in my mind, those people just aren’t worth knowing)  In simple terms, I love those who love him and hate those who don’t.

But anyway, for the next few days we will be apart and it won’t be easy.  I know it’s doable, afterall we spent lots of time apart before we met.  But damn I’m going to miss him like crazy and I know the kids will too – they’ve never been apart from Daddy.  My son was only 4 mos old the last time Daddy had to go on a business trip so as far as he’s concerned he’s never spent a day apart from Dad.  I know he doesn’t quite comprehend what’s happening, and he won’t like it one bit when he does.  Oh goodness, he’s going to be a pill.  The baby will too when Daddy isn’t there to flip her on the bed before he goes to sleep.  It’s going to be a rough week.

I miss you Love.  You’ve not even left yet and I miss you so badly.

I’m a Believer!

When I was a little girl, I loved the Monkees. I can even remember seeing them on prime time television, barely. By the time I was 6 or 7, I had such a mad crush on Davy, I swore I wouldn’t grow up to be taller than him. (And I didn’t! lol) A friend of my older sister gave me all her old Monkees albums, and I’d listen for hours, memorizing the songs and dancing around the living room with abandon.

 

I still love the Monkees. Not too long ago, I was able to get a CD of some of their songs, mostly the greatest hits. It had been a while since I’d been able to listen to their music – all those old records having been stolen, and even before that I had lost my turntable. So it was with great joy that I put the CD in and put the headphones on.

 

One song in particular got me. As I listened, I thought of how much it applied to me and my husband. If you knew our history, you’d know how much “I’m a Believer” sounded like us, the way we met. I had seen him in my minds’ eye since I was a youngling of about 3. He was my dream guy, literally; my childhood “imaginary playmate.” But when I finally met him, and saw his face, you can bet I became a true believer! My fairy tale dream guy come to life.

 

But as I listened, I realized something else. I believe in Christ, the risen Lord, God the Son, my Creator. I am a believer in Jesus, and the words to the song, with a slight alteration, apply for me in that way too. We search all our lives for love, real love, the kind of love that’s out to find us and that would die for us – and He did. It is a fairy tale kind of love – it’s a get out of jail kind of love, an I’ve paid your bail kind of love, an I took your punishment love. There is no greater love than that – and all too often Christians go around with joyless hearts and sourpuss faces. “Dancing is wrong! Having fun is a sin! Don’t enjoy yourself!” We have been given the greatest gift in the universe and we act like Scrooge. Shouldn’t we be joyful? God loves us! Let us dance and sing! Let us delight in the love of the Lord!

 

I’m a Believer By Neil Diamond (slight alterations by me)

I thought love was only true in fairy tales

Meant for someone else but not for me.

Love was out to get me

That’s the way it seemed.

Disappointment haunted all my dreams.

Then I saw His face,

now I’m a believer

Not a trace of doubt in my mind. I’m in love,

I’m a believer! I couldn’t leave Him if I tried.

I thought love was more or less a givin’ thing,

Seems the more I gave the less I got.

What’s the use in tryin’?

All you get is pain.

When I needed it’s sunshine I got rain.

Then I saw His face, now I’m a believer

Not a trace of doubt in my mind.

I’m in love, I’m a believer! I couldn’t leave Him if I tried.

Technorati Tags: Faith,Dreams,Monkees,Love,Believer

Happy Birthday!

It is my Beloved’s birthday.

If I could, I’d buy you so many things, things I know you’d like. A huge house, an art studio, woodworking tools galore, books, a plasma TV, cars. You’d want for nothing.

If I could, I’d lay you down in a big bed and make love to you all night, and day. Or maybe on a boat.

I’d feed you chocolate cake, steaks done to perfection, burgers, all kinds of foods you love.

If I had a magic wand, the world would become a wonderful place for you, full of happiness and peace, joy and love. I’d erase all your pain.There would be no traffic to speak of, no days too hot or too cold. You’d have all the clothes you could ever want, and Christmas trees 12 feet high. And I’d give you that suit you want so much.

I’d give you a time machine so you could undo those regrets you have, and so we could marry young and have all the children we wanted.

These things I’d do for you, and more, if I could.

In the meantime, and until I can, please know I’m wishing you a wonderful birthday, and loving you with all my heart.